I’ll be recording the podcast a little later in the week, but I thought I might ask my readers to participate in a little contest. It’s very simple: in the upcoming show, I’ll be talking a little bit about the legend of Atlantis. I recently watched this video, and was completely awestruck by just how ludicrous and ridiculous the claims are. In fact, they are so out there, my contest is to dare anyone to make a claim that is even more outrageous than the ones in this “documentary”. My entry goes a little something like this:
The lost continent of Atlantis is actually inhabited by lilliputians. In fact, the story of Gilligan is really just based on ancient texts regarding the tiny size of this lost world. The continent never sank; it is, in fact, the size of a soccer ball, and has merely never been detected. We know it’s location to be somewhere in the Atlantic, but beyond that, we can only guess. These tiny, technologically advanced humanoids are the descendants of an ancient race of space dwellers that were previously as big as mountains. When they saw the earth, they wished to colonize it, but realizing that they were too big, they used their understanding of magnets to shrink themselves down in a device called “The Minutron”.
I’m not entirely convinced this is actually less silly than what the video proclaims…it’s up to you to do better!
Ryan Harkness and Jacob Fortin are both writers and comedians, as well full time godless heathens.
Hallo,
I just came across The Good Atheist pretty recently..like yesterday. I see that this was from last August, but I will comment on it any way. I hope you dont mind.
Yes, Atlantis, a prime example of “Operator through the ages’ and other Fairy tales. Atlantis is not longer a great mystery, there was once a massive content callen Pangea, but it was no paradise. The real ‘Atlantis’ was actually a Greek city (I think it was Greek) called HELIKE, it was not the wonderous lost ancestor dwelling island in the middle of an ocean. It was swolled up by the sea, simply because of its location and the earth is was built upon.
This is aother myster that has been resolved that people fail to hear, its quite sad really. Sad that people are more inclined to believe fantasies and not the TRUTH/Facts based on hard evidence.
I do not find ignorance to be bliss, therefore I am not religious.
How about:
Atlantis was actually a rock in the ocean where the tiny Atlantians lived. They were all made of sponge (but didn’t have square pants) One day a teenage rebel jumped in the sea and soaked up water until he became a human . His buddies got pissed and decided to ruin his fun by hiding in every golf ball, tennis ball and baseball and deciding who would win all the tournaments. These days they make a living selling evangelical books and taking bribes to make certain players win Wimbledon.
Oh who am I kidding, that video is so much more silly!
Right, here we go…
First off, all matter is actually comprised of Kellogg’s breakfast cereals, which were invented by the Atlanteans. The keen-minded amongst you may now be thinking “so what was everything made of before the Atlanteans invented breakfast cereals?”, well the very clever people of Atlantis figured this out too. Eager not to be caught up in a paradox that could rip the universe in two and leave it flapping from its moorings they quickly invented time travel, went back to the beginning of time and liberally sprinkled space with a selection of Corn Flakes, Rice Crispies, etc. This did, however, create some minor damage to the space-time continuum, and that’s why we have leap years.
Of course, this took up a lot of their resources, and most of the people of Atlantis were made to work in Kellogg’s Slave Labour Camps to keep production high. Soon, the brightest mathematicians of Atlantis (who also invented computers, the internet and the number 3) worked out that no matter how many breakfast cereals they made they could never make enough to satisfy demand. After some time (about a week, ‘cos Atlanteans were supersmart) they invented a ‘Contravene-the-Laws-of-Thermodynamics Ray’, which they used to zap the cereals to increase their number a hundred-fold.
All was well in Atlantis again. For approximately 1 minute, 17 seconds, anyway. Because after this cosmically-significant time Atlantis was attacked by Jesus! “He had a big sword coming out of his mouth and everything!”, is the oft-recounted eye-witness report hidden in code in the works of Shakespeare.
Jesus had decided that the people of Atlantis were wicked and evil and didn’t wash often enough, so he set about destroying the city, like Godzilla! He grew to an immeasurable size and began to lay waste to the city, stomping on buildings and kicking people into the distance with mighty punts.
But Jesus had made himself TOO big! As he wound his leg back for the blow that would finish off the city, he lost balance and toppled off the Earth! The three wise monkeys, who were watching proceedings from their flying clouds, all laughed uproariously and uncontrollably, until they stopped.
Now, Atlantis had been torn asunder and laid waste to, so the people who survived had no choice but to flee as the city sank into the briny deep. They fled to the corners of the Earth aboard speedboats and waterskis and dolphins, and disguised themselves as rocks just in case Jesus came back.
The Atlanteans remained as rocks for many ages and eventually found they could not turn themselves back to flesh again. Their energies still persisted in the rocks, and they were soon sold as crystals to hippies. Sometimes they channel their powers and knowledge through holders of these crystals, for the betterment of dolphin-kind.
Oh yes, by the way, dolphins are actually genetically modified aliens from Uranus who secretly control man’s destiny. They were the ones who helped Atlantis become so great. By directing their sonar toward precise locations they were able to carve messages into cheese.
uh, The End?
I am behind on podcasts, so even though this is April 2008 now, i can’t help but comment on this.
“If there was a video to describe Anti-Logic, This would be it”
You can quote me on that.
Oh, and my dad thinks its the most bogus thing hes ever heard in his life. Were having a good laugh about it.